Why Parents Who Batter Win Custody
by Sarah Childress
http://defend.dot5hosting.com/defendthechildrenorg2/id64.html
excerpts
"Parental-alienation syndrome was first introduced by child psychiatrist Richard Gardner in the 1980s. Fathers-rights groups picked up on the idea and began trying it out in court. These groups condemn abusers. But Dan Hogan, executive director of Fathers & Families, a nonprofit group that advocates for joint custody, argues that all too often the accusers lie in order to win custody of their kids.,"
"There's a small but growing movement to ban parental alienation in custody cases, sparked by embattled parents bonding online. They've linked with lawyers and advocates for battered spouses across the country. At least four states, including California, have laws protecting parents who make good-faith abuse allegations. Others may soon follow their lead. Greg Jacob, an attorney who takes cases for abused parents pro bono, is drafting legislation to shop to Virginia and Maryland next month. Meanwhile, parents like Genia keep fighting. "It's so hard, having my children lost," she says, her voice breaking. "This was my life—my children."
Gardner on the sexual aggressiveness of children Gardner suggests that children want to have sex with adults and may seduce them.
Some children experience " high sexual urges in early infancy. " "There is good reason to believe that most, if not all, children have the capacity to reach orgasm at the time they are born." Gardner, R.A. (1992). True and False Accusations of Child Sex Abuse .Cresskill, NJ: Creative Therapeutics. (p. 15)
Children are naturally sexual and may initiate sexual encounters by "seducing" the adult . Gardner, R.A. (1986). Child Custody Litigation: A Guide for Parents and Mental Health Professionals. Cresskill, NJ: Creative Therapeutics (p. 93).
If the sexual relationship is discovered, " the child is likely to fabricate so that the adult will be blamed for the initiation ." Gardner, R.A. (1986). Child Custody Litigation: A Guide for Parents and Mental Health Professionals. Cresskill, NJ: Creative Therapeutics (p. 93).
"The normal child exhibits a wide variety of sexual fantasies and behaviors, many of which would be labeled as 'sick' or 'perverted' if exhibited by adults" Gardner, R.A. (1991). Sex Abuse Hysteria: Salem Witch Trials Revisited . Cresskill, NJ: Creative Therapeutics. (p. 12)
Sex abuse is not necessarily traumatic; the determinant as to whether sexual molestation will be traumatic to the child, is the social attitude toward these encounters. Gardner, R.A. (1992). True and False Accusations of Child Sex Abuse . Cresskill, NJ: Creative Therapeutics. (pp. 670-71)
Gardner on therapy with children who are sexually abused by their father
• Keep the child connected to the abuser Special care should be taken not alienate the child from the molesting parent. The removal of a pedophilic parent from the home "should only be seriously considered after all attempts at treatment of the pedophilia and rapprochement with the family have proven futile." Gardner, R.A. (1992). True and False Accusations of Child Sex Abuse . Cresskill, NJ: Creative Therapeutics.(p. 537)
The child should be told that there is no such thing as a perfect parent. "The sexual exploitation has to be put on the negative list, but positives as well must be appreciated" Gardner, R.A. (1992). True and False Accusations of Child Sex Abuse . Cresskill, NJ: Creative Therapeutics.(p. 572)
• Tell the child that sexual abuse by a father is normal Older children may be helped to appreciate that sexual encounters between an adult and a child are not universally considered to be reprehensible acts. The child might be told about other societies in which such behavior was and is considered normal. The child might be helped to appreciate the wisdom of Shakespeare's Hamlet, who said, "Nothing's either good or bad, but thinking makes it so." Gardner, R.A. (1992). True and False
Accusations of Child Sex Abuse . Cresskill, NJ: Creative Therapeutics.(p. 549)
"In such discussions the child has to be helped to appreciate that we have in our society an exaggeratedly punitive and moralistic attitude about adult-child sexual encounters"
Gardner, R.A. (1992). True and False Accusations of Child Sex Abuse . Cresskill, NJ: Creative Therapeutics.(p. 572).
Gardner on mothers who discover that their husband is sexually abusing their child Gardner blames the father's abuse on the mother, who he faults for not fulfilling her husband sexually. He suggests that therapists should help mother's of incest victims achieve sexual gratification.
• Discourage litigation.
• Encourage her to stay with her husband (the abuser)
• Blame her and the daughter for the sexual abuse by the father
"It may be that one of the reasons the daughter turned toward the father is the
impairment of the child's relationship with the mother" (pp. 579-80) Gardner, R.A.(1992). True and False Accusations of Child Sex Abuse . Cresskill, NJ: Creative Therapeutics. (p. 585)
• Help her get over her anger at her husband for sexually abusing their child. "If the mother has reacted to the abuse in a hysterical fashion, or used it as an excuse for a campaign of denigration of the father, then the therapist does well to try and "sober her up".... Her hysterics ... will contribute to the child's feeling that a heinous crime has been committed and will thereby lessen the likelihood of any kind of rapproachment with the father. One has to do everything possible to help her put the "crime" in proper perspective. She has to be helped to appreciate that in most
societies in the history of the world, such behavior was ubiquitous [i.e., everywhere], and this is still the case." Gardner, R.A. (1992). True and False Accusations of Child Sex Abuse . Cresskill, NJ: Creative Therapeutics. (pp. 576-7)
"Perhaps she can be helped to appreciate that in the history of the world his behavior has probably been more common than the restrained behavior of those who do not sexually abuse their children." Gardner, R.A. (1992). True and False Accusations of Child Sex Abuse . Cresskill, NJ: Creative Therapeutics. (pp. 585)
• Encourage her to become more sexually responsive to her husband.
"Her increased sexuality may lessen the need for her husband to return to their daughter for sexual gratification." "Verbal statements about the pleasures of orgastic response are not likely to prove very useful. One has to encourage experiences, under proper situations of relaxation, which will enable her to achieve the goal of orgastic response." "One must try to overcome any inhibition she may have with regard to [the use of vibrators]." "Her own diminished guilt over masturbation will make it easier for her to encourage the practice in her daughter, if this is warranted. And her increased sexuality may lessen the need for her husband to return to their daughter for sexual gratification." Gardner, R.A. (1992). True and False Accusations of Child Sex Abuse . Cresskill, NJ: Creative Therapeutics. (p. 585)
Gardner on fathers who sexually abuse their children
• Tell him what he did his normal "He has to be helped to appreciate that, even today, it [pedophilia] is a widespread and accepted practice among literally billions of people. He has to appreciate that in our Western society especially, we take a very punitive and moralistic attitude toward such inclinations. He has had a certain amount of back (sic) luck with regard to the place and time he was born with regard to social attitudes toward pedophilia." Gardner, R.A. (1992). True and False Accusations of Child Sex Abuse . Cresskill, NJ: Creative Therapeutics. (p. 593)
He has had bad luck with regard to the place and time he was born with regard to social attitudes toward pedophilia. However, these are not reasons to condemn himself. Gardner, R.A. (1991). Sex Abuse Hysteria: Salem Witch Trials Revisited . Cresskill, NJ: Creative Therapeutics. (p. 119)
• Keep him in the home
The removal of a pedophilic parent from the home "should only be seriously considered after all attempts at treatment of the pedophilia and rapprochement with the family have proven futile" Gardner, R.A. (1991). Sex Abuse Hysteria: Salem WitchTrials Revisited . Cresskill, NJ: Creative Therapeutics. (p. 119)
• Help him protect himself
"He must learn to control himself if he is to protect himself from the Draconian punishments meted out to those in our society who act out their pedophilic impulses." Gardner, R.A. (1992). True and False Accusations of Child Sex Abuse . Cresskill , NJ: Creative Therapeutics. (pp. 585-592)
• Help him forget about it Therapy with the father should not be spent focusing on the primary problem (I.e.,
sexual molestation). Instead, therapy should be spent "talking about other things"
as the goal of therapy is "to help people forget about their problems"
Gardner, R.A. (1992). True and False Accusations of Child Sex Abuse . Cresskill, NJ: Creative Therapeutics. (pp. 585-592)
Gardner on how society should respond to the widespread victimization of children Take a more sympathetic view toward pedophilia "One of the steps that society must take to deal with the present hysteria is to 'come
off it' and take a more realistic attitude toward pedophilic behavior." (p. 120)
"The Draconian punishments meted out to pedophiles .go far beyond what I consider to be the gravity of the crime." (p. 118) Gardner, R.A. (1991). Sex Abuse Hysteria: Salem Witch Trials Revisited. Cresskill, NJ: Creative Therapeutics.
Abolish mandated reporting of child sexual abuse.
Do away with immunity for reporters of child abuse.
Create federally-funded programs to assist those claiming to have been falsely accused of child sexual abuse. Gardner, R.A. (1995). Written testimony on HR3588 - Proposed revision of the child abuse prevention and treatment act (CAPTA) (Public Law 93-247).
• Keep pedophiles in the community
The removal of a pedophilic parent from the home "should only be seriously considered after all attempts at treatment of the pedophilia and rapproachment with the family have proven futile" Pedophiles who abuse children outside of the home should first be given the opportunity for community treatment. "If that fails then and only then should some
kind of forced incarceration be considered" Gardner, R.A. (1991). Sex Abuse
Hysteria: Salem Witch Trials Revisited . Cresskill, NJ: Creative Therapeutics. (p. 119)
Gardner on Child abuse hysteria
Child abuse allegations are the "third-greatest wave of hysteria" the nation has seen, following the Salem witch trials and the McCarthyite persecution of leftists. Gardner, R.A. (1993, February 22). Modern witch hunt--child abuse charges. The Wall Street Journal, p. A10.
"We are currently living in dangerous times, similar to Nazi Germany. Sexual abuse hysteria is omnipresent." Gardner, R.A. (1992). True and False Accusations of Child Sex Abuse . Cresskill, NJ: Creative Therapeutics. (p. xxv)
Who is to Blame for "Child Abuse Hysteria"? • People who voice negative feelings against pedophiles
"During their harangues against the 'perverts' who are the objects of their scorn, they often rise to a level of excitation that can readily be seen as sexual. . . .Psychological, such individuals are ever fighting to repress their own unacceptable pedophilic impulses, which are continually pressing for release." Gardner, R.A.(1991). Sex Abuse Hysteria: Salem Witch Trials Revisited . Cresskill, NJ: Creative Therapeutics (pp. 30-31).
• The legal system - including judges
"There is no question that abuse cases are "turn ons" for the wide variety of individuals involved in them, the accuser(s), the prosecutors, the lawyers, the judges , the evaluators, the psychologists, the reporters, the readers of the newspapers, and everyone else involved - except for the falsely accused and the innocent victim ..Everyone is getting their 'jollies, ." Gardner, R.A. (1991). Sex Abuse Hysteria: Salem
Witch Trials Revisited . Cresskill, NJ: Creative Therapeutics. (p. 31).
"Judges . too may have repressed pedophilic impulses over which there is
suppression, repression, and guilt. Inquiry into the details of the case provides voyeuristic and vicarious gratifications .. Incarcerating the alleged perpetrator may serve psychologically to obliterate the judge's own projected pedophilic impulses."Gardner, R.A. (1991). Sex Abuse Hysteria: Salem Witch Trials Revisited .Cresskill, NJ: Creative Therapeutics. (p. 107)
• Sexually inhibited mothers
"The mother . is . psychologically gratifying [her own sexually inhibited needs] with the visual imagery that the sex abuse allegation provides." Gardner, R.A. (1991). Sex Abuse Hysteria: Salem Witch Trials Revisited . Cresskill, NJ: Creative Therapeutics (pp.36-37).
• Greedy parents
"Many are victims of their greed, which is so enormous that they blind themselves to the psychological traumas they are subjecting their children to in the service of winning lawsuits that promise them enormous wealth." Gardner, R.A. (1991). Sex Abuse Hysteria: Salem Witch Trials Revisited . Cresskill, NJ:Creative Therapeutics (p 43).
• Judeo-Christian principles
"It is of interest that of all the ancient peoples it may very well be that the Jews were the only ones who were punitive toward pedophiles.. Our present overreaction to pedophilia represents an exaggeration of Judeo-Christian principles and is a significant factor operative in Western society's atypicality with regard to such activities Gardner, R.A. (1992). True and False Accusations of Child Sex Abuse . Cresskill, NJ: Creative Therapeutics. (pp. 46-7
